My Man: It's OK to be boys

Presenting…My Man, a project dedicated to building social health for boys and men. Men are more likely to feel lonely and less likely to reach out for help. There is a negative stigma associated with intimate male friendships. Over the next couple of months, I'll be taking a closer look at how men can give and get help with shared challenges, how we can connect more with the guys who have our back, especially when we're up against the wall.

The My Man series is grounded on the following pillars:

• It's OK to be boys: GoodMenders has always been about affirming, rather than condemning. The negative narrative about boys and men is misleading. This foundational statement has two meanings. First, it's OK to be a boy. Full stop. Each boy born into this world is not complicit in some original sin. We believe boys are good. Second, it's OK to be boys, as in close friends who would do anything for one another. Unbreakable bonds are a staple of a positive masculine identity.

• Optimism: We emphasize growth, solutions, and strengths, rather than deficits. This is a practice of building, not degrading.

• Connection: We highlight the impact of male friendships and the importance of a supportive network of boys and men.

• Ethical Confidence: We develop self-confidence and ethical skills, believing that yoking the two leads to social well-being.

• Vulnerability: We celebrate vulnerability as an act of courage. By seeking help and being open with others, we strengthen our relationships and resilience.

• Tools: We offer actionable advice, resources, and methods. A genuine tool is designed to be put to good use.

This project builds on previous Seamless and Boys Coalition work. Richard Reeves recently wrote about how it is mostly untrue that young men are turning "en masse to the right, adopting misogynistic outdated views about gender, masculinity and gender roles.” He explains how recent research indicates that young men rank "being wealthier than those around you," "winning and being the best" and "being sexually active" as the lowest-ranking attributes for men. Also, a high share of young men describe caring for kids as manly.

For more detail, I recommend reading his brief piece on meeting "our boys and young men where they actually are rather than where the worst caricatures would have us believe they are landing" (Young men have pretty positive views on manhood). 

If you have ideas, feedback, or just want to say what’s up, I’m all ears (nick@goodmenders.com). Looking forward to building a culture where it’s OK to be boys.

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