Every so often, an idea clicks into place like a puzzle coming together. It’s nice when it happens (e.g., the concept of sustaining alignment instead of juggling the unworkable work-life balance). This new idea doesn’t have so many puzzle pieces. No complaints from me on that score.
Initially, I was thinking about a progression of skills for boys to practice in an effort to develop a positive masculine identity, and the five C’s—courage, confidence, composure, consciousness, and compassion—clicked. I still teach the skills to boys, and, the more I have thought about them, the more I feel the five C’s are applicable (and desirable) for leadership. We’ll discuss the benefits of deliberate training with these five skills, as well as the downward spiral that occurs when selfishness, distraction, volatility, timidness, and panic rule the day.
Courage
We begin with courage.
As Maya Angelou said, “Courage is the most important of all the virtues, because without courage you can't practice any other virtue consistently. You can practice any virtue erratically, but nothing consistently without courage.” Every person has the capacity for courage: the will to act, despite the fear that those actions will bring painful consequences.
How does one practice the skill of courage? By doing scary things. Once done, and you realize, like Sanka Coffie, that you aren’t dead yet, things are less scary.
Confidence
Confidence follows courage. When people are confident, they shed self-doubt. They are honest and vulnerable. They find their voice and use their full potential to make a positive impact.
Leaders should be confident, not arrogant.
Confidence is believing you belong, that you are a part of the greater good. Arrogance is believing you are better than everyone else, that you are above and thus entitled to good fortune.
How does confidence become a skill? Reps. Countless, mindful reps. While courage deals with the unknown, confidence, built upon many successful reps, is a result of knowing.
Composure
Confidence leads to composure. Leaders who develop composure, even some of the time, will be more effective critical thinkers and problem solvers. Without the ability to practice composure and self-discipline, selfish and non-critical thinking will follow.
The uncomposed leader is doomed to an endless game of Whac-A-Mole.
There are lots of ways to practice the skill of composure (mindfulness, meditation, journaling, yoga, etc.). Whatever training you choose to invest in, it could make all the difference when the world goads you with some irresistible bait.
And here I feel obligated to include a link to Zidane’s infamous headbutt, a timeless cautionary tale of what happens when we take the bait.
Consciousness
The skill of composure allows for consciousness. Awareness is the first step to doing good in the world, which, I argue, is each person’s responsibility.
However, it is easy to get distracted, and it is difficult for leaders to resist the pressure to innovate, produce, perform, profit, repeat. With this pressure comes a barrage of bottomless productivity rabbit holes riddled with detours (more distraction).
Becoming skillful in consciousness—the ability to do one thing at a time, to see things as they are, to be still—is the key to perceiving injustice and suffering, and therefore the path to freedom and good health. As someone who routinely fails to avoid distraction, I realize how much more mental training I ought to do (the same kind that generates composure) if I want to lead from a state of awareness.
Compassion
We arrive at the tip of the arrow.
The point.
Albert Einstein said, “Our task must be to free ourselves by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature and its beauty.” Compassion training isn’t all that complicated (if it is, consider that a red flag). Be kind as a habit. Automate giving. Put others first. Water a plant. Write a nice letter.
When leaders practice the altruistic skill of consistently and unconditionally practicing compassion, they lead with purpose. Purpose has a gravitational pull. Without it, we have the feeling of being lost in space.
Aim with compassion at your purpose, and you’ll likely hit the target.
Beware the panic slide
Now that I know the five C’s, am I all set? Nope. Not really. Actually, never. What goes up must come down.
In 2021, I wrote Are you a riser or a sinker? Summary: teams do better with positive people (risers) than negative ones (sinkers), even the biggest optimists will have spells of sinking, and there is value to be gained from both risers and sinkers. Now we insert the “or” to our five C’s...using a pyramid.
Put the five C’s into a pyramid and flip it (pictured above), and you get—the panic slide!
To be clear, you don’t want to ride the panic slide. Nevertheless, despite your tremendous leadership prowess, one day you will discover, to your surprise and dismay, that you are indeed sliding. Here is the panic slide in five sentences:
Selfishness: When leaders put their personal interests first, what matters comes last.
Distraction: Leaders who aren’t paying attention are not leaders.
Volatility: Pompeii, August 24, 79 A.D.—everyone is running for their life, and they do not like it.
Timidness: The timid leader is scared of everything, whimpering about something, and confident in nothing.
Panic: A fish out of water is in control of your body.
Do not fear. If you’ve trained well, you can escape that slide before you come crashing down on the panic button. Perhaps I’ll talk more about escaping the panic slide in a future post. For now, trust in the C’s and beware their opposites.
Final notes on training
First, there are a few important questions about training to consider:
What do you prioritize when training your team (especially during onboarding)? What do people learn first? If these skills/topics aren’t the most essential things for people to know with regards to your team’s purpose and culture, you have more questions to ask.
What does your team think about prior training? How do you know? And how does that inform the decisions you make about future training?
When does your team do “soft skills” training (like the five C’s)? What proactive culture training do you do? What signals do you look for that might indicate a need for reactive training? What percentage of your training is proactive v. reactive? I’d strive for roughly 80% proactive and 20% reactive.
And the final note. There are very few trainings that have a lasting impact. Sometimes, it’s because the training isn’t so great. Most of the time, regardless of quality, no matter how high or low we feel post training, somewhere down the road of our busy lives, whether it be a subtle drift or full blown panic slide, we return to baseline.
The trick to effective training is this: it is repeated over time, like all good practice, building upon shared values, reminding us of that light above the clouds, the same light within each of us that gives us the energy to push forward with this exciting human project.
At my school, we have a tradition called the sunset climb. It’s my personal favorite (and there’s definitely a few C’s involved). Our graduating students hike the local mountain at sunset and, one at a time, express their gratitude for their peers and mentors. It’s an emotional moment where kids and teachers feel the weight, the kind that feels like an elephant on your chest, of close friends parting ways at the end of a hard-fought journey.
Every spring, this tradition reminds me why I teach, and I know that if there were more “sunset climbs” sprinkled throughout the year, I’d feel even better about my chosen profession. When you think about training, instead of going through the motions, think about creating these sunset moments.
Remember the tip of the arrow: compassion. Be conscious of the point.
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